Nami's Fruit Salad
by S. Sakurai
Summary: A Demon's Fruit that lets you turn your body into liquid gold? Guess who's interested.


Nami's Fruit Salad  
  
  
Captain Kudmon stood on the deck, peering over the railing at the darkened port town with a deepening scowl on his face. Where were the rest of his men? Being at anchor with what were quite possibly other pirate ships docked alongside the Jolly Banana was bad enough without having guards stationed at the cargo hold. If he left the ship unguarded, they could very well be stripped bare of their riches while his lazy, drunken crew reveled in the city's taverns.   
  
With no other choice, he turned to the young girl one of his only returning crewman had picked up in town - apparently Haz had picked up the round-heeled little barmaid with the intention of bringing her back to his quarters, but thanks to his libations, the first mate would now be spending the night on the deck with an empty bottle as his sleeping companion. Well, Kudmon thought, the trollop might as well be of some use to them. He led her down to the hold and pointed out the chests and urns. "This here, lass, is real pirate treasure."  
  
"Wow! You're REALLY pirates, then!" she cooed, wide-eyed. Kudmon chuckled. The empty-headed thing was lucky she'd stumbled on their boat - there were some crews out there that would have used her terribly. But she reminded Kudmon of his own daughter, in a North Blue port far away, and he would take advantage of her for nothing more than a night of free guard work.  
  
"That we are, and there are other pirates out there that wish they had half as much treasure, indeed!" He smiled toothily. "Sometimes they try to sneak in at night and steal it, too!" That's why I need you to do a very important job for me."  
  
"A- a job?" she breathed. "Me?"  
  
"Yes -- I need you to watch this stuff, at least until some of my worthless louts get back or wake up. If anyone comes in and tries to take something, scream for help! I'll be in my cabin working, but I'll hear you and come running!"  
  
"You want ME to guard pirate treasure?" the barmaid squeaked in romantic elation.  
  
"Yeah - chests of gold! Pots of rubies! And this - would you believe this simple fruit crate is the container for what is probably the ship's greatest treasure?" He gestured to a large, dust-covered wooden box. "Probably no one will board, but you just call if they do, okay? I'll be back in a bit to bring you some warm tea."  
  
"Thanks ... er, I mean, aye-aye, Captain!" she said, saluting as she stood up straight and inhaled, straining the bodice her low-cut uniform. "I won't let any scurvy dogs near your treasure!"  
  
Captain Kudmon smiled as kindly as he was able (with a scar across his mouth, his smiles tended to be scary), tousled her hair, and went off to his work, thinking to himself how nice it was to meet such a simple creature amid an oceangoing jungle of thieves.  
  
As soon as he was safely away, the barmaid's broad, empty-headed grin melted into a sly and crafty smile. How easy this was!  
  
Drinking an already half-plastered and all-stupid pirate crew the rest of the way under the table, doing the same to an overly confident bar hostess (who was probably waking up about now to find herself on a cot in her underwear), and getting one of the last conscious pirates to lead her to the ship before collapsing. No problem at all! She straightened her shiny orange hair with fingers itchy at the thought of stealing the prize she's heard rumors of.  
  
"It'sh called the Mida-Mida Fruit." that louse Haz had slurred in her face. "When y'eat it, y'get this power where y'can turn your whole body inta lickid gold! They saw th' last time one surfaced, the guy who ate it bought himself a cont'nent. I believe it, too, imagine what y'could do if y'could make crowns and coins and such w' your bare hands."  
Mida-Mida Fruit, here I come! Nami thought excitedly as she slipped the Clima-tact from her skirt and used it to pry open the fruit crate. Her heart pounded in her chest and visions of infinite riches swam before her eyes. The stupidity of Captain Kudmon, leaving such an incredible power sitting in a hold like this! No price any buyer could pay him could possibly be worth the value of having the power for himself. Any intelligent person would have gobbled it down the moment it came into their possession.  
  
And that's exactly what Nami intended to do. In a few moments, as soon as the remaining nails were prized free, she would gulp down the Mida-Mida Fruit and enter the same club as Luffy, Robin and Chopper. So what if she couldn't swim? When she had a mountain of gold, she'd hire people to swim for her!  
  
Her face lit up with excitement as she removed the cover and the first thing she saw was a fat purple fruit!  
  
And fell again as she saw what filled the rest of the box.   
  
More fruit.  
  
Little red berries.  
  
Big yellow spheres.  
  
Long fingerlike tubes like blue bananas.  
  
Hundreds of pieces of fruit of every possible description, filling the crate to the brim.   
  
And she had absolutely no clue which one the Mida-Mida Fruit was.  
  
She cursed herself bitterly for never asking her crewmates to describe what a demon's fruit looked like. For all she knew, they all looked different anyway.   
  
Captain Kudmon hadn't been as quite as stupid as he'd seemed, after all. He'd left decoys. Maybe he'd be smart enough to hear her dragging this heavy crate outside- she didn't think she could do it without making a racket. There were far too many fruits to carry more than a small fraction in her arms. And she had nothing to carry them in... the skirt of her uniform was too blasted short, reaching down to barely mid-thigh from an empire waist.  
  
There was only one way Nami could be sure of having her Mida-Mida power assured by the time Kuda came back. Resolutely, she picked up the topmost fruit and stuffed it into her mouth.  
  
*********  
  
She slumped against the side of the empty crate in silent elation. Her goal was accomplished! She had eaten the Mida-Mida Fruit! It was inside her, somewhere, along with the rest of crate's contents. She had the fruit's power now and she was rich! Rich!  
  
She was also so gorged that it was all she could do to muster up the energy to blink. When she heard the door creak and Captain Kudmon come in, there was no question of moving. All she could do was lie there and be glad she'd thought to replace the lid while she was still in shape to sit up.  
  
"Well! Sleeping on the job?" he grumbled cheerfully. "Still, I suppose anyone coming in would have tripped over you, hmm?" He lifted her to a sitting position and she was glad once more, this time for her uniform's empire waist - the skirt hung loosely over her stomach and disguised the distended bulge.  
  
"Got... really.. tired." she managed to grunt, feeling her insides try to churn and fail from lack of room. She willed herself to turn into liquid gold, so she could ooze out the door and find a lifeboat. She badly wanted to hibernate for a while and sleep it off. But nothing happened. She made a mental note to ask the others how they operated their powers.  
  
"Would you like some tea to wake you up?" he offered, waving a platter under her nose. The smell of cake on the tray nearly made her vomit. "No!" she gasped. "No.. it's okay. Would you please help me to go, ah, Captain?"   
  
"Before I do- " the captain said. "I want to show you something." He reached into the pocket of his trenchcoat and pulled out something round and green. "Do you know what this is? It's called a Mida-Mida Fruit."  
  
Nami's heart would have fallen into her stomach if it had had any room to manuever in her overstuffed torso. "Th-that's...?" she stammered in horror.  
  
"It grants the one who eats it the ability to turn their body into pure gold. The key to riches, it is. I was just finishing up a few sketches of it for my records, and now I'm going to put it in that crate. The other fruits are decoys, you see."  
  
Mountains of gold disappeared before Nami's eyes. And the worst thing is, she thought, I could probably whack the old fool with the Clima-Tact and TAKE it right now... if I hadn't stuffed myself until I was too full to move with useless GARBAGE!  
  
Dimly, she was also aware that he was about to look in the crate and realize her thievery, and then she'd really be in for it. She couldn't get away - it would proabaly be at least an hour before she could manage even a slow waddle - and by that time she'd be keelhauled, hanged and lashed to a cannon. But all that seemed secondary to the thought of thousands of berries flying away from her on tiny wings.  
  
"But y'know, I've been thinking." Kudmon mused. "This much gold - it's too much for me. I'd get sick of it pretty fast. And I don't think I want to live in a world where some other pirate, or land baron, or king has access to that kind of wealth. Perhaps the best thing for everyone is if I give this away, to someone sweet and innocent, uncorrupted by the world." He bent down beside her. "Would you like to eat it?"  
  
The wind changed and drifts of gold piled up in Nami's mind once again. "Oh, yes, yes! I'm... a bit ill right now, but give it to me and I'll eat it as soon as I can!"  
  
"I'm afraid you'll have to eat it now or never. I don't want to leave it with you, uneaten - some villain could snatch it from you."  
  
"O-okay." Nami said. "I'll try." She opened her mouth wide. I have to force this down! she thought desperately as Kudmon popped it in. Just one swallow and I'll be the richest person in the world!  
  
Seconds ticked by as Nami wrestled with an internal struggle. She was already stuffed solid from her intestines all the way up to the back of her throat. Her digestive system felt like it was about to burst at the seams. But if only she could manage this one last little bite... if only...  
  
"I can't do it!" she moaned, spitting it out onto the deck. "It's just too much!"  
  
"I understand." Kudmon nodded soberly, picking it up once more. "You're wiser than I took you for. Perhaps this would be a curse on one as good and simple as you. Perhaps no human should have this power." His expression firmed. "Let the sea have it back!" So saying, he strode onto the deck and flung the Mida-Mida fruit into the churning sea. He had a very strong arm. It went a long, long way.  
  
Nami burst into tears.  
  
*******  
  
"... And how is Nami-san this morning?" Sanji asked in his most charming voice.  
  
"I'm not sure. She's still in bed." Niko Robin answered. "She came back very late last night, and she looked a little unwell."  
  
"Unwell?"  
  
"Red eyes, pallid skin, abdominal bloating..."  
  
"NAMI-SAN!!!" Sanji cried, almost knocking Robin over as he burst into the room. "How are you? Oh, say you're okay!"  
  
"Sanji...?" Nami rolled over, opening her eyes a crack. "... I'm really not in the mood for visitors. Just let me rest..."  
  
"But Nami-san, if you're feeling ill, you must let me cook for you to keep your strength up! Here! I made this especially for you this morning! Chock full of vitamin C! It's a marvelous jumbo extra-tasty fruit salad!" He slid the massive breakfast under a horrified Nami's nose on a silver platter.  
  
"Nami-san has her strength back!" he sighed joyfully on his aerial path from the bedside to the wall.  
  
  
THE END  



End file.
